A Treatise on Womanly Ambivalence: A 21 Year Old Study

Women have long countered manly advances with heavy skepticism. Any approach by any man usually results in an Ackbarian "Its a trap!" scenario. Whether at a get together, in a club or during a familiar event, women are constantly on "Red Alert." Many stories have emerged in recent years about psycho bitches tearing someone up for even offering to buy them a drink. Women are constantly thinking that we want to get in their pants. That's only half right. We want to get in their pants after we connect with them on a physical and emotional level. To them, however, fuck all that. If you have a dick, you want to slap them with it. It is your sole and primary goal in life. So in the end, the nice guys are shot down but the assholes are retained. Observe:

Scenario 1

Man (in approach): "Hey how are you.. I saw you from the upper level... you're beautiful. I was wondering if I could......
Woman (in disgust): "RAPPPPPPEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE"
Man (86ing): "Bitch please. Fuck yo couch. I skeet on yo' eye!"

Scenario 2

Asshole Man (in approach): "Hey hoe. I wrote you a song: Roses are red, violets are blue, lets go eat spaghetti and get busy. I wanna see them titties bitch!"
Woman (flashing): "My prince charminggggggggggggg!!!!"

There is an absolute dichotomy on womanly attraction.

Oh what's that? I treat you right, I'm an intelligent graduate student aspiring to be a doctor, I am the utmost gentleman with you, I want to actually build a meaningful relationship, I want to meet your parents and I want to make love to you in a romantic setting? For you only to say: "Umm no thank you. I'll pass. I'm gonna stick with Option B....sure he hits me, verbally abuses me, is unemployed and smokes crack rocks, but he's sooooooo cuteeeeee tee hee"

You know what... fuck yo couches, ladies.