The 'R' Word

The 'R' word. A dreaded 12 letter killer of polygamistic dreams and hopes. The embodiment of attraction significance, an emblem of validation, the nightmare that is: relationships.

...but is it really so bad?

That is what I debate here today, the Pros and Cons of being locked down.

So what does it really mean anyway?

Are ships of relation truly buoyant, or are they all doomed to flounder when battered by the seas of nagging and jealousy? The great philosopher Snoop Dogg once treatised that "bitches aint shit but hoes and tricks." However, in the rare instance that they actually fill some psychological void and actually ::gasp:: make us smile, do we risk missing out on other potential hookups by actually not 86ing them?

This is always a controversial topic.

The debate commences with the most obvious tenet: steady tits vs diverse tits.

Steady vs. Diverse Tits

As a man, nothing is as encumbering as being forced to do something. I'm a man, I fuckin' do what I want, fuck you. Right? Wrong. Let's be real. Women run shit. As women like to claim, Pussy Runs It. Sadly, we have to shake our heads in agreement. This begs the question: do you settle for tits when it promises to be there like a loyal puppy, or do you risk everyday poon poon by hoping that you can eat off the proverbial Denny's Sampler of females? The final verdict comes to this: if you can pull women easily, go with the latter. I personally know only a handful of "true" pimps who can literally at least number close one girl per night, whether it be at a club, bar or restaurant. On the other hand, if you can land a solid draft pick in the first round, with a Pro Bowl caliber offense, stick with the blue chipper. If her defense is her primary trademark, evasive maneuvers! She'll be bitching at you constantly, will question your motives for even speaking to other women and overall, your life will suck exponentially more.

Social Life Constraints

The biggest turn off for many men who are pondering whether or not to enter a relationship becomes the inability to continue a normal social life. No more traveling in packs hunting wounded animals at bar closing hours, no more drinking with the buddies and playing poker. Your nights will no longer revolve around the most important: you. In fact, you no longer become the most important person, your significant other does. The "coolness" level of your SO is the decisive factor in determining how far your social life will plummet. If she is an overall "cool" chick, expect a gradual decline in social life that will be assuaged by a subsequent increase in sexual activity. This will cause a gradient beneficial to the man. If your woman is less cool, but not a complete scumbag, expect equilibrium: tits for tats, literally. It will be a continual game of push-pull, an early enrollment into the Sacrifices for Sex program. Last, but not least, is code Red: the controlling woman. The C dub has the most effect on on men with the least amount of exertive influence. With mere mentions and snide remarks, the controlling woman can wreak havoc on her boo's social life. From the death stare when you guys hang out with your buddies to the bored look at dinner, controlling tits want to do just that: control. They want to choose everything, they want you to bend like a fucking palm branch and they expect you to just drop all your shit and follow them. Look, I'll drop some nets to follow Jesus but I'm certainly not dropping my XBox for a CDub.

The Friend Approvals

You can't look like a pussy in front of your friends, Man Law prohibits it. One must always act like a baller when with one's significant other in front of manly acquaintances. You run shit...you regulate, not her. Being in a relationship undermines the fuck out of all of our macho tendencies. You cant say you run shit when you jut spend a month's rent money on a diamon ring. You certainly don't regulate when you're in the movies watching "The Notebook"instead of "Transformers." Friends will notice and will ride you about being a pany. Its common. Once again, it comes down to whether or not the positive aspects of the girl outweighs the negative repercussions of manly derision.

For all its worth, the 'R' word has never maintained a positive image amongst the male population. Too many guys with commitment issues maintain a fair distance away from any long term involvement with women. If she gets pissed about you missing a dinner reservation that she did a month ago, imagine how much you'll suffer when you forget the anniversary.....

Ouch.