Women Lacking Intellect (WLI): The Enemy of the Educated Man --> PART I

In previous posts, the Sacs have undertaken an interesting (if not esoteric) approach at analyzing women who fail to comply with our lofty standards. However, no physical flaw or lack of character is as dooming as the ultimate 86-able offense: dumb women. Yes my friends, Jessica Simpson appeals to me sexually about as much as my textbook on Neurological Disorders. Fun to ride? Sure. Dangerous curves ahead? Absolutely. Service engine soon? Sigh....

Brains + beauty does not exist. As a generalization, the previous statement works. Are there exceptions to rule? Yeah sure, but poor Jews also exist...its just not the norm. In a stroke of genius (when you're supreme ruler of the cosmos, it tends to happen), God decided to bless women with either a stunning physique and visage or the ability to decipher Einstein's most obscure theories. Case study #1: "Let them eat cake... let them eat cake!" Ok look, Marie Antoinette, Louis XVII was hitting that, I understand. She was a hot, freaky, French blonde chick. Most of the dudes I know would be all up on that trying to tap tap. But you don't fucking yell sarcastic jabs at an infuriated mob that oppose your husband. Did she lose her fucking mind? In that case, just her head.... but guess who had to perish too: the man. There he was, minding his own business, trying to escape his revolution plagued country when Hillary Cli...I mean, Marie Antoinette had to go and fuck the dog. I'm betting cash that the last thing he said to her before they were both guillotined was not: "Hey babe, it's been real." I'm sure a few four letter words were amongst that highlight reel.

So ok, back to today's world. Women want to be respected in society by their male peers. They want to be seen as equals to their employers. I want a hot Brazilian sucking my dick and making me pancakes every morning, but I settle for whacking off and a Pop-Tart. You gotta settle, right? Let me first begin the rest of my treatise with this:

I LOVE SMART WOMEN. SMART WOMEN TURN ME ON.

Solid. Ok. I digress: if you are a young lady who has career goals and ambitions, amazing. It's great. It really is. I say this honestly. But WHAT THE FUCK are you doing playing beer pong with frat boys until 3 AM when you have a midterm the next day? Don't come tell me you want equality when your tits were the only things being studied last night sweetheart. Women dont capitalize on their chances. Later on, they whine about "OMGGGZ LYK WHY DIDZ I GET A F IN BUSINESS CALC?" Its 'cuz you suck. Seriously. Give up.

Now here's the kicker --> most of the aforementioned creatures are probably all hot as shit. I mean, real good looking girls with curvy bodies and fiesty attitudes that diverge from those innocent eyes that look up at you from the Headimus Givingis position (doesnt that make you feel as badass as Mr. T?). They give the best head, they fuck your brains out, they let you put your mug up, saddle up and ride and they're too wasted teh next morning to care if you call them back.

Basically, for college guys, they're ideal.

....but how about post college? How about when "good sex" no longer means "perfect relationship." How about when a guy actually wants (wait for it....) a truly "meaningful" relationship. A girl that can make you smile. A girl that can make you laugh. A girl that will hold a clear and concise and intelligent conversation with you?

Well then, fellow Saconians, then....

then you're just fucked.

{stay tuned for Part II: Why Brains + Beauty doesnt exist)

The Friend Zone: A Hellacious Realm

The Gaza Strip. The Israeli-Pakistani border. Eastern European War Areas. Iraq. These locations are all either ravaged by constant war or a steady increase in political turmoil and upheaval. However, none of these can hold a candle to another "zone" in terms of horrors, malfeasance and atrocities: the friend zone.

Yes my friends, the biggest fear of all men, the friend zone.

However, I will leave this topic to be dissected by contributing sac member, Professor Q.

Always remember: Good Guys Sleep Alone!

First Penis Syndrome: A Case Study

Throughout our years of observation and field testing, we Saconians have developed a working theory on the female psyche and its infection with a disease known as FPS. First Penis Syndrome is a medical mystery: a malady which affects the mental and physical health of young women everywhere. The cause, you ask? Peenorrz. Yes gentlemen, the cause of such a dreadful disease comes directly from our sacly brethren: our man meat. Let us follow along on a typical FPS-inducing scenario:

1- Little Johnny and Susie begin courtship ceremonies.

2- Johnny is in it for the penile pleasure. Susie believes Johnny and herself are in "love".

3- Johnny inserts penis into Susie.

4- Hormonal signals immediately dedicate a portion of Susie's unconscious brain to   the strapping down of Johnny for marriage.

5- Johnny realizes he can penetrate other vaginas and breaks it off with Susie.

6- Susie becomes irrational, irate, and downright unpredictable in her life quest to regain the first penis that entered.

Now that FPS has been recognized as an official disease in the S.J.M.  (Saconian Journal of Medicine), we must take great care not to spread this awful epidemic. We will add the results of our in-depth field tests after ADD Avenger completes his study.

Other pertinent issues:

1- Women not appreciating when men spend their money to take them out. It's bullshit. A simple thankyou is all it takes. 

$45 dinner + $18 movie tickets + $10 movie snacks + $ unknown amount of gas money to pick them up= at least a fucking thankyou bitches.

2- What happened to women at least faking that they want to pay for stuff? Maybe just a little reach for their purse so I can say "Don't worry I got it". But no. Not even a flinch. Fuck your equal rights, hoe.

3- Either pay or put out. It's pretty simple really.

4- If I'm paying for the fucking $50 candy at the movies, I'm picking it out, skank.

5- /rant

Have a fruitful and jolly holiday!